i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
