i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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