ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
