Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
