4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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