A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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