Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
