They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
