He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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