i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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