I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
