Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
