Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
