I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
