my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
