Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
