So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
