found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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