I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
