new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
