guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
