butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
