My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
