She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
