Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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