i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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