I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
