Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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