Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
