She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't turn off my feet"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
