I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
