I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
