haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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