considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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