I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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