WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
