So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
