the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
