i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
