I feel great
I just peed on a car
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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