PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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