her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
