Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
