Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have feelings that need drinking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
