Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
