you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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