who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
