omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
