Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
