apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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