fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
