life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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