I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
