I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
