Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ladies don't puke and tell
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
