it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
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Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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