it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
