Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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