Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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