Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
