i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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