I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
