Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
