i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
