just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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