i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
