Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
