Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
