chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize