my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i came on her dog
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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