There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
