Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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