Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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