Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
