And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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